http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObzQOztMaZ4

For those who have seen the Earth from space, and for the hundreds and perhaps thousands more who will, the experience most certainly changes your perspective. The things that we share in our world are far more valuable than those which divide us. ~Donald Williams

An Emmy Award-winning BBC nature documentary, Planet Earth is the first high-definition video series to provide, in the words of its makers, a "definitive look at the diversity of our planet." The series' narrator, Sir David Attenborough, notes: "Planet Earth is more a celebration of our planet than a lament about the state of it. It shows what is still there. In some areas there is no doubt that we are doing damage to our world but at the same time, there is a vast amount of uncharted and untouched wilderness." This video excerpt unleashes the elegant beauty of that which is home to all of us.

Kevin's back in the hospital, this time with blood clots in both his lungs. He'd had a bout of pneumonia, and was still (two weeks later) having fever and sweats, though he thought it was related to the stomach bug he'd caught. Went in for a checkup with his doc on Wed., and they scheduled a CT for early yesterday morning. And when they saw the clots, they admitted him immediately to be put onto blood thinners for 5 days. Then he'll be able to come home again.

I'm looking at the bright side of things in that this is treatable. Though I must admit, I'm tired of looking at doctors.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
Amanda

The study of our mind, the psychological structure, does not require isolation, but it does require attentiveness. The movement of the mind is very swift. The shades of movement are so subtle, that unless we learn to observe in an reaction-free way, it will not be possible to find out the modus operandi of the mind, to see how pride comes up, how vanity comes up [...] To watch this movement requires a steadiness of attentiveness, but not isolation. Relationships are opportunities for an intimate encounter with the inner being. The fact of our being is that we are related, not isolated, not each a lone or lonely entity standing forlorn in this huge cosmos. We are not isolated individuals; we are organically related to the mysterious totality surrounding us.
 
 We are related organically, and we have to live that relationship. To be attentive to the dynamics of the inner being is not creating a network of escapes to avoid responsibility. [...] However much we yearn for peace, emotionally we are not mature enough for peace, and our immaturity affects everything we do, every action we take, even the most worthy of actions.
 
 Study of the mind is not to create religious isolates, but to help each being in society mature, take on social responsibilities in an intelligent, harmonious way which reflects the peaceful society we want to create.
 
The elimination of inner disorder takes place in the lives of those who are interested in being truly creative, vital, and passionate whole human beings, and who recognize that inner anarchy, chaos drains energy and manifests in shabby, shoddy behavior in society. To be attentive requires tremendous love of living.
 
The total revolution we are examining is not for the timid or the self-righteous. It is for those who love truth more than pretense. It is for those who sincerely, humbly want to find a way out of this mess we, each one of us, have created out of indifference, carelessness, and lack of moral courage.
 
The challenge is to those who have the courage to pass across traditional barriers, to explore new territory unrestricted by the authorities of the past, to expand beyond fragmentation to awareness of the totality of living, the mysterious wholeness.
 
-- Vimala Thakar

how the little things in life become so meaningful to you.  Eating meals together, spending time in one another's company, laughing together.  Just being near.

Normalcy adds it's own beautiful flavor to life. 

I got the results of my PET and CT Scans today. Everything is normal and "pink" and healthy and the treatments went as planned and I am a cancer survivor!
Words cannot begin to express my happiness. Amanda and I went out to celebrate because we thought it was needed. The Cafe has great soup, sandwiches and tasty desserts so we went for that.
Peace, Health, Love.
Kevin and Amanda

Update on the housing situation:

We found a lovely home in the community we spend all our time in, and the landlords are great.  The house is beautiful and clean, and our friends are close by.  Life is good.        

Update on my life.  When it rains it pours...

In the several weeks that my family has not been in our house a severe Black Mold problem has taken over the house we were living in. Due to this situation we are now homeless. Our home cannot be lived in and the contents of the home are toxic. We have only the clothes that we have in bags and my laptop computer.
Such a strange turn of events this has caused. My family was so excited to be going home after being guests in someone else's home during my radiation treatments. Now they have no home.
We hope to be signing a lease on a property in Ames sometime within the next 48 hours, though we have no furniture, no clothing, no beds, nothing.
I am not asking for charity. Just providing an update on my situation.
Thanks to Amanda for holding up so well under the circumstances. In addition to helping me in my recovery from cancer, she is pregnant with our fourth child, Tegan. And now she is facing a very uncertain future indeed.
Thanks to my sister Janet for letting me know the dire situation that the house we were in was putting us into. She has a son that works with mold removal crews and contacted him in relation to this situation and passed on very pertinent information, i.e. "Pregnant women, children and those with compromised immune systems should not be in an environment with this kind of mold, or any other." That would describe my entire family at the moment.
When we left our home for the hospital over a month ago, we were living with a situation that we were unhappy with but was being kept at bay by regular surface cleaning. Without anyone around to keep this in check it took over the house. I used to collect books. My entire book collection is now toxic trash. Thousands of books, some long out of print. Many of them very valued resources for my work. Gone.
Clothing, gone.
Furniture, gone.
Family photos, gone.
Children's school work from the year, gone.
It's like having your house burn down but worse. Worse because the stuff is all still there, but you just can't have it anymore.
We are going to do what we can to get the kids' Christmas gifts from this year out of the house and cleaned up so that they are safe to play with. There were some new clothes there as well that we had just placed in the house yesterday. These things may be able to be salvaged. I hope that someone may take it upon themselves to assist my family in the task of extricating these and a few other "bleachable" items for us in the coming days.
I guess I'll stop this ramble now and spend some time on something else.
Peace, love, health.
- Kevin (Amanda)

As I have been dealing and coming to terms with what's been happening in my life and the life of my partner, I have been so humbled and overwhelmed (in a positive way) of the amount of time, love and giving our family has been shown by the community.  It seems that people have just come out of the woodwork to help us.  Whether it was making a meal, childcare, a thoughtful note, or just a hug when needed, it really reaffirms and restores your faith in what humanity is truly capable of.

So I have been thinking of how to best pass it onto others.  Because even if I could ever repay those who have shown us love, most likely, they wouldn't want that done.  They helped out of the kindness and gentleness of their hearts, not because they would get something in return.

These things are on my mind.

My love, and My best to you all who might come across these words whenever in time you see them.

Amanda

This is what's been happening to my partner, as of lately.  Life changing to say the least.

Hello everyone.
Some of you have not been notified of my condition yet, so I'll give a quick
once-over. For years I have suffered from occasional acute back pain to the
point of complete immobility. At times this condition would lay me out for
3-4 weeks at a stretch. I would spend time walking, running, lifting
weights, adjusting my diet, visiting chiropractors and acupuncturists, and
icing and warming the offending portions of my body to stave off these
attacks. Back in mid August of this month I had come back in from a jog
with a back pain that I had never felt before. My chiropractor said that I
was quite possibly a stress fracture and that I should refrain from heavy
activity for about a month and it would get better. After a month of rest
the pain was mostly gone, then one day I was stretched out on my bed and my
twin sons ran in and jumped on me, causing my back to seize up. The pain the
progressed from day to day, getting worse and worse. I am not generally one
to rely upon pain medications, but it got to the point that I was taking
Advil on a regular basis. About a week after this I began to develop
abdominal pain, and I attributed this to the combination of the Advil's
action on my stomach lining and stress related to my personal life (my mother
was having some health issues and I was very concerned with her). I made a
visit to the emergency room with the complaints of the stomach pain along
with the back pain and was sent home with a medication to control acid
production along with a single weeks worth of pain medication for the back.
The pain proceeded to get worse and worse, and soon I was unable to sleep
lying down, to sleep more than 45 minutes at a stretch, or to eat more than
about 3/4 cup of fruit at a time. The day before Thanksgiving I began losing
feeling in my feet, but simply attributed this to a possibly swelling disc in
my back. Ice and Tylenol didn't abate the spread of the numbness, and by the
Sunday afternoon after Thanksgiving I could not feel my legs or walk
reliably. Amanda insisted that we go to the emergency room in Ames at 11 PM
on that Sunday night. By the time we got there I was losing feeling in my
lower abdomen and could not be in any position for an extended period of time
without being in excruciating pain. Every bump we went over on the drive to
the hospital sent an electric shock down the lower half of my body that made
me feel as if my insides were on fire. An x-ray was ordered and came back
normal, but the Doctor on duty is a friend of mine and he insisted on me
having an MRI. They found a mass in my back. On Monday, November 26th I was
diagnosed with a large Lymphoma of the spine. It has been there for at least
6-7 years. I was told by the doctors if it had waited another two weeks that
I would have been paralyzed from the chest down. They got my started on
steroid treatment right away and that relieved pain that I have been living
with for years. I have now begun the second week of my radiation therapy out
of a total of 5 weeks. So far so good, though I've had some pretty rough
muscle cramps in my back from the toxins released during the tumor
destruction process combined with a very restrictive back brace they have me
in to prevent my spine from collapsing. I'll need to remain in the brace for
at least 2 months. The only invasive procedures I've undergone have been
biopsies, and the scars from those have healed up well. The doctors have
told me that at this point I will only need the steroids and radiation
treatments and I have a better than 93% chance of full recovery. This may
change if a PET Scan shows anything else, but we are waiting on that test to
get the current tumor under control.
My family is all together, though, and taking things a day at a time. Amanda
is holding up much better than I had expected and she is now officially my
hero. The children are being allowed to see where dad goes to get his
treatments and are also being given the opportunity to speak with any and all
of the doctors so that any questions they might have are answered. This has
been very hard on us all from an emotional standpoint as nothing really
prepares you to know how to feel about a situation like this.
I have chosen to take this as a turning point in my life and to grow from this
as an individual. The doctors and therapists have told me that this is a
very good way to approach this turn in my life and that this will also help
with the recovery process.
I am beginning to feel stronger every day, and as such am having to fight off
the want to over-extend myself at times, but for the sake of my health and my
family I ensure that I am getting plenty of rest, water and good food. The
community of Ames has done such a wonderful job of extending themselves in
love and support that if I can repay even a fraction of what I have received
over the rest of my life I will feel that I have accomplished something
meaningful.

As for those of you who would qualify as business contacts (you know who you
are!) I am back up to doing a few hours of work a day now, so if there is
anything you need from me please let me know. It feels good to work and
gives my mind something to do. I'm sorry for the downtime, but now that I
know what was causing me to be in such pain for such a long time, I'm able to
address that. For those of you whom I have worked with at the times when I
would have these "mystery back pains" I would like to extend an apology to
you. I realize that I had made promises and commitments to you, and did what
I could to make up for lost time, often at great monetary loss for my own
business and family. I hope you can appreciate that I had never once lost
sight of that. Customer satisfaction has always been paramount in my mind
and I expect it is in yours as well. All I can say now is that I am truly
sorry if this medical condition resulted in any loss of customer satisfaction
or relationships for you in the long run. Relationships and trust are the
basis of all good businesses and the business relationships that this
condition has effected still haunt me in a deep manner. Without
relationships there is no reason to be in business. Had I known the root of
the issue I would have long ago gotten this treated. As a friend of mine
quipped "they should have caught this on your yearly MRI!" Unfortunately
this is not the sort of thing that is done on a yearly basis, and in my case
was only ordered up at the insistence of the Doctor on duty in the ER that
happens to be a friend of mine. I owe him my life.

For all of you, thank you very much for the gifts, the visits, the phone
calls, the emails, the thoughts and the prayers and the love.

As always, if you are getting this and not wanting to, let me know. If you
are getting this and know someone else who should or would want to get it and
other updates, let me know.

I understand that many of you may want to show more than moral support, and if
you feel the need to participate in the community support that is being
organized around my family please let me know and I will put you in touch
with the individuals who have taken it upon themselves to organize all of the
good acts that my family have been benefiting from.

Peace, love, health,
--
Kevin H. Feeley

An Ode to Willa Cather's, O Pioneers!

The land is still flat and sombre.
Now instead of black and rich, it is thin and tan.
The harshness has not left her, yet, now she lies tortured and pushed.
More taken with each passing year, and little if anything returned.
Paved, molded, re-routed.
Heat radiates off manipulated earth.
Youth ache to flee her boundaries even now.
As ages mellows youth, they occasionally return for her steady arms.
The men no longer strain their muscles behind horses.
They sit numb behind a machine.
The meditation of work no longer firing their persons.
My sunsets are filled with artificial fires,
blinding my eyes to the wonder of the earth.
The stars strain to sing their music in my ears,
drowning in technical waves of sound that bounce from place to place.
Here I have remained as my youth evolves into adulthood.
She weaves her roots into my soul,
and the thoughts of other places sometimes call to me.
The pull is weaker as the years go by.
I cannot deny the deteriorating evolution that has occurred while I grew.
The faint whisper of what was, nurtures my children blandly.
Will this strength slip through my fingers like water when I transplant?

Or can it be restored in a new land.

I have them!!  This is the first year that I've had success with carrots =)  Yay!  They are very sweet in addition to being homegrown.  Maybe that's where the sweetness comes from...

My goal with gardening has been to know that once I am able to put food up for my family for the whole winter, I will have arrived as a gardener.  Thus far this season, I have made strawberry jam, frozen strawberries, frozen rhubarb, frozen spinach, and now I have kale and chard to put up.  I'm a work in progress :-D